Driving used to be a point of contention between me and my wife. She would criticise my driving, saying I was driving too fast or too close to the car in front. I thought her judgements were unfair and got defensive. I am not a particularly fast driver. Besides, I’ve done a track day and have been taught high-speed driving! In fact, I think she drives faster than me but likes to be in control, so she
is a nervous passenger! This regular exchange never seemed to get anywhere and created a feeling of disconnection.
What does this have to do with effective software development?
The Invisible Ingredient
The core principle of Agile is prioritising individuals and interactions over processes and tools. It puts people and creativity at the heart of the approach. Training in Agile is pretty common. But how common is training in understanding how to foster creativity and collaboration? i.e. the human factors. You would have thought we wouldn’t need it and it would come naturally, but we know in reality, it’s often not as easy as that.
Collaboration, communication and creativity are at the heart of not just Agile. They are the core of any team or business. Most predictable and repetitive tasks that do not require these traits have been automated or outsourced. AI is rapidly filling the creativity space.
The secret to collaboration, communication and creativity is connection.
In teaching, there is something called ‘the teachable moment’. Sometimes, a teacher can feel the pupil or class with them, engaged, interested, and focused. At other times, it’s like trying to herd cats. They are not engaged. The difference? Connection. They are engaged and open-minded when there is a connection between the teacher and the class.
Without connection, there is no opportunity for common understanding or fresh thinking.
Creating connection is a big subject. I will be scratching the surface but I want to give you some pointers you may find useful.
Three Keys to Connection
1.Deep ListeningA friend and one of my mentors was a well-known teacher of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP).
When he saw a coach as a client, they told him he wasn’t a good listener. He was offended. He explained he was world-renowned for hearing language patterns and knowing what to say to open
the client’s mind. The coach said to him, “But that’s the problem. You are listening for language patterns; you are not actually listening”.
I sometimes do a listening exercise with groups. One person speaks for five minutes in pairs, and the other focuses on how much they think as they listen. Being aware of whether what the speaker says prompts a memory or questions they want to ask, or whether their mind wanders. The listener is often surprised as to how much thought they have whilst listening. The truth is, you can’t listen and think at the same time.
In my experience, when we are not listening with a quiet mind and are fully present, we speak out of habit rather than waiting for inspiration. When I am with a client, sometimes I hear the voice of one of my coaches saying, ‘Why are you speaking?‘ When we get quiet and only say something when totally inspired, the depth of listening, connection and understanding changes.
At times, you really hear what someone is saying and sense what they are saying beyond the words. You have listened with a quiet mind.
2. Everyone thinks differently
This sounds obvious, but it is something we often forget. As much as the world would be easier if everyone thought the same as us, everyone thinks differently. Everyone has their own model of the world that makes sense to them.
We all perceive the world through our own unique filters, akin to a pair of glasses. These lenses are shaped by personal experiences, cultural backgrounds, upbringing, education, and innate predispositions. We forget we are all wearing glasses, we especially cannot see our own.
Creating a connection is about demonstrating that you understand the other person’s model of the world so they feel understood before helping them see something new. Connection comes before education.
When we listen to someone, we may think we understand what they mean. We may even say, ‘I understand.’ However, the listener cannot say, ‘I understand.’ Only the other person can say you understand when you have demonstrated your understanding. We all have different lenses. Check your understanding.
3. Let go of judgements
There was once a Chinese farmer who owned a horse. One day, the horse ran away. His neighbours said, “What terrible luck! How will you plough your fields?” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not.”
A few days later, the lost horse returned, leading a herd of wild horses. The neighbours said, “How lucky you are! Now you have many horses to help you with your work.” Again, the farmer responded, “Maybe so, maybe not.”
The farmer’s son began training the wild horses, but one day he was thrown off and broke his leg.
The neighbours said, “What a tragedy! Your son is injured, and now he can’t help you with the farm work.” And again, the farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not.”
Soon after, the army came through the village, conscripting all able-bodied young men for war. However, the farmer’s son was exempted from service due to his injury. We are often quick to judge things. We judge things as ‘good, bad, right or wrong’. Judgements are opinions, not facts. Judgements build barriers.
You can be right or in connection with someone.
Be mindful of judgements, we use judgemental language more often than we think. We often say ‘I feel…’ but what often follows is a judgement. e.g. I feel ignored. ‘Ignored’ is not a feeling; it’s a judgment. When people are judged their unconscious response is to be defensive. That doesn’t foster collaboration and a sense of being united.
We will make judgements. They are necessary to make sense of the world. But own them as judgements, as what you think, rather than being absolute truths.
Connection creates unity and creativity.
I didn’t understand my wife’s experience of my driving from her model of the world. The truth is she felt scared. When I stopped judging whether her comments were justified and listened deeply, I understood how scared she felt. I didn’t want someone I love to feel scared, whether I thought it was necessary to feel scared or not, so I slowed down. She felt connected, like a team, and trusted
my driving more. Her mind opened to the possibility of the fact we were safe. It’s no longer such an issue.
If you would like help fostering creativity and collaboration, let’s have a conversation. You can contact me via my website [email protected]
Russell walked away from a successful career in corporate IT management and business change to follow his passion for people. Russell is a state-of-mind specialist, helping individuals and teams create the environment for greater well-being, bigger results, and a clearer purpose. For more information on Russell and his work, see www.russell-davis.com
